After every MAPP class we have homework. This is not for a grade since it is not that type of class. But I feel like it is more important than the grade. What if I don't answer it right.? As much as I know there really isn't a right or wrong answer, I feel like I will be judged on what I write. But I write what I feel anyway. Here is one for example (With these types of statements we have to give a Strength(example of what I have done to accomplish this task) or a need (what I still need to do.)):
"I have decided that I want to parent a child and that parenting is more important than giving birth." I feel fairly good about this one I (think) I have determined I want to be a parent even if he/she did not come from me. I have worked on that.
this one says "I have decided it is more important to be the parent of someone else's child than to give birth." (pretty much the same as the first but worded differently)
There it is "someone else's child," SOMEONE else's child," SOMEONE ELSE'S child," SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD!" And then the tears flow. It is true, in reality no matter how much I love "my" child and no matter how many times he/she calls me mom and loves me as a mom, he/she has another mom out there. I love many of my friends like I love my family but in reality they are not my family even though I love them as such.
The grieving process of birthing of my own child is not over.
I have come so far in this process and it has felt so right and I am not ready to turn back. But I am angry! I am sad! I am mad! I am confused!I am devastated!