**Warning!*** Long, post!! You may want to grab a cup of coffee or a stiff drink!
Authentic: representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified.
When asked to choose a word to describe as my motto for the year at my work place, I chose authentic. I have always prided myself on being authentic, an open book if you will. But this huge thing that I discovered about myself a couple years ago scared me a bit. You see, I fell in love. For the first time in my life, at the age of 44, I discovered what being in love truly meant. The problem was that I fell in love with..... a woman! Whaaaat? (gasp) I know, that’s what I said! Let me tell you, it was a journey of self discovery. There was laughter and joy and giddiness and tears and many, many, many sessions with my therapist, God love her! It was something I couldn’t even tell the people closest to me and boy was that hard. But as I became more comfortable in my new found self I became more comfortable with other people knowing. The time with my first love didn’t last but I will forever be grateful for that time together. The discovery with that person led me to the amazing person I will spend the rest of my life with. But we will get to that later!
When asked to choose a word to describe as my motto for the year at my work place, I chose authentic. I have always prided myself on being authentic, an open book if you will. But this huge thing that I discovered about myself a couple years ago scared me a bit. You see, I fell in love. For the first time in my life, at the age of 44, I discovered what being in love truly meant. The problem was that I fell in love with..... a woman! Whaaaat? (gasp) I know, that’s what I said! Let me tell you, it was a journey of self discovery. There was laughter and joy and giddiness and tears and many, many, many sessions with my therapist, God love her! It was something I couldn’t even tell the people closest to me and boy was that hard. But as I became more comfortable in my new found self I became more comfortable with other people knowing. The time with my first love didn’t last but I will forever be grateful for that time together. The discovery with that person led me to the amazing person I will spend the rest of my life with. But we will get to that later!
I have to say, when I first told the people closest to me, I cried every. single. time. And guess what? The people I told at the beginning cried too. They cried. They cried tears of joy. 95% of the people I told were immediately happy for me. No judgment, no questions, just love and support. What I heard over and over again is "You are Teresa, why would we not still love and support you." Why was I ever frightened? I have surrounded myself with the most wonderful people this world has to offer! Of course they are going to love me no matter what.
I'm still the same crazy kid who annoyed my sisters, played with baby dolls, played softball in grade school (and I didn't know? haha, just kidding), played volleyball, was a band and choir nerd (still am) through out school. I am the same adult who loves to sing, spend time with family and friends, who loves Wicked and my dogs and could live on the beach. I am the same sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, teacher, niece, Christian, and friend. I still love fiercely, laugh a little too loud, cry a little too hard and worry a little too much. I am still me. Well, maybe a better version of me.
So now to the love of my life! In less than 4 months I will be marrying Christi! An amazing woman who has a huge heart, loves dogs, saves the tiniest of insects (even if they are mosquitos in Brazil drowning in a pool), saves me from spiders; by taking them outside and not killing them (I would prefer the killing). She loves to read (if you ever need a book, come on over to her library), coach, hike, camp, kayak and watch SUV (its actually SVU but she cutely calls it SUV). She loves her sister, nieces, brother-in-law her parents, her friends and Jesus fiercely.
I fell in love with a persons soul, Christi's soul. I found a love that is everlasting. What a beautiful thing to have someone love me the way I deserve and makes me so happy! I deserve to experience love fully, equally and without shame and without compromise.
If you still want to be my friend, that is awesome! I still want you all in my life. If not, I won't be mad, but probably a little sad. However, I won't hold it against you. We are who we are, we are all doing the best we can in this life and that is all we can ask of each other.
I read the following somewhere, unfortunately I don't remember where or who wrote it. But I like it and think it pertains to anyone: Remember your road, my dear friend.
Respect it.
Honor it.
Don’t apologize for it.
You know who you are.
You love who you are.
Take pride in who you are.
You are so very worth this.
Teresa
I decided that the single most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.~ Anne Lamott
